No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
