my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
