dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to have your abortion
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
