I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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