Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
