so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
