It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize