i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
