It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
