nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
