Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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