This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
