Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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