It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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