all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
