I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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