I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
