the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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