Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
