and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
