what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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