Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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