he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a search helicopter?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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