Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
