you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
