I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
