I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
50% drunk capacity currently
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
