So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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