Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
