Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are we still banned from the library?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
