The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
