people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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