She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
