okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
