Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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