KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
