just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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