i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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