mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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