am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
