he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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