My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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