Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
