can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
