I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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