i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
