Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
