My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wanna go halves on a baby?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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