Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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