I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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