I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
