I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize