I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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