Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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