So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
