he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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