M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
