My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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