I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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