i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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