As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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