Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
