i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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