so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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