i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize