Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This baby is an asshole
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
