i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
