You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
