so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
