There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
