I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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