my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
