Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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