Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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