You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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