we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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