So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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