hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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